A Misshapen Head

You know why I hate camping? Because I hate the possibility of getting dirt on me. I also don't want to get dirt on my food or in my bed, or anywhere other than on the ground. Yes, yes, I live in New York City, and its very dirty here, but the dirt here stays where its supposed to be and you can clean yourself and your stuff. Camping dirt is unpredictable and you can't get rid of it until you go back to the city. Where its safe.

I also hate camping because of bugs. If you leave the city the bugs come out in full force, and the further out you go, the huger they get. Right? The bigger and greener the trees, the huger and scarier and more horrible the bugs are. Ew. They all fly, and they all have like 26 legs and antlers and at least 2 sets of fangs and a terrible poisonous bite. Don't bother looking them up on the internet. Nobody can post these terrifying creatures. They're too afraid.

So, this is why I've always lived in big cities. My dad tried to take us camping when we were little. I spent most of the weekend in the air conditioned van with my barbies.

Now, I live in midtown manhattan, as far away from a campground as you can get. But somehow, I have still not escaped the bugs.

No, don't worry, its not the multi-legged horned beasts that even Google won't post.... its mosquitos. Somehow, they're getting into our apartment. Of course I don't notice them before bed. They wait until I've been asleep for about 4 hours, then ease their way into my dream, into my ear... torturing me until I'm wide awake for the rest of the night.

Last night:

…...eeeeEEEEEEEEEEE!!! I clapped the air above the bed a few times.... as if I might catch him just by chance.

Another one! UH! I was wide awake instantly. It was 3:45am. I looked at Hubs, how did my ferocious clapping not wake him up? He was sleeping so peacefully, and I was out for murder! Ah well, I stomped to the bathroom, and turned on the light hoping that would attract the little jerk. (not the sleeping Jerk, the blood sucking jerk.) I caught last week's attacker this way, but after 10 minutes of waiting, I was unsuccessful.

I scratched my chin, and looked into the mirror. He had gotten me! No wonder he wasn't following me into the bathroom. He was digesting a gallon of my chin blood!!!!! UH!

I'm allergic to mosquito bites, and when I get one they swell quite a bit. When bit on the face... its not pretty. I stared in disbelief as my jaw line expanded. Contorted...!! Last week I got bit on my finger. Then over the weekend it was my neck, which looked more like a hickey than anything. Classy, right? A 29 year old, unemployed girl with a swollen hickey. Nice. And now this. It looks like a puffy pink goiter. Oh sweet Jesus.

That's it, I went back to bed. But I was so mad, and I knew the little maniac was out there waiting to get me on the EYE or something. So I attempted to sleep the rest of the night under the covers, as I always do when I wake up to eeeeeeEEEEEE in the middle of the night.

When I got up at 7:00, I went to the mirror to see if he had struck again. Nope. Thank goodness. My hair was all a muck, from sleeping under the covers, and eyes were puffy from not really sleeping, and chin was still swollen, looking lopsided, like I have a misshapen head. Awesome. All from a friggin mosquito.